Hurts so good

No, not really. Between the twisted ankle I received on Saturday and my first workout with the trainer, I'm not feeling 100% today. It feels like it is 100 degrees in the office today, I can never tell if it is really hot or I'm just having hot flashes. Plus the office is really noisy today and lets face it I'm a bit distracted. I wish I was working from home but I would probably just crawl under the covers and go back to sleep. Someone is Grumpy!

Seeing the ex and spending most of the day with him on Sunday was a big mistake. I'm still pretty angry about the way things ended with us...and he wants to be my buddy? WTF, I don't quite get it. He doesn't like me being friends with someone I use to go out with, he's accused me of being 'improper' with other male friends, so why should we be friends? What happens if/when I meet someone else? By his standards we can't be friends...so why bother. I've never really remained friends with people I've been in relationships. Sure you go out a couple of times it doesn't work, fine, that isn't the problem. Most of my relationships have ended badly...I know they all end badly or they wouldn't end, but I mean knocked another girl up badly (3 times in case anyone is keeping count), another guy just got up out of bed, headed for the door and never spoke to me again after I told him I loved him. I can pick them.

Anyway, it looks like for the time being I'm going to have to curtail some of my activities because I really just can't stand the sight of him right now. He has made me feel so bad about myself. I am trying hard not to put our friends in the middle of this mess. So I'm sorry if I've made anyone feel uncomfortable...

So what do I need? I need a vacation BAD!!! I've had this job for about a year now with no break, it is the hardest job I've ever had. I'm not complaining, I really like this job, most of the people I work with, I'm challenged more days than not...but I'm tired. I would love a chance to just lay back, relax and recharge the batteries. It doesn't seem to be in the cards. I don't really have anyone to go with and I hate to travel alone. I admire people that can do that, but I've been there, done that and I didn't care for it.

What else...maybe a new guy? I don't know, I really can't even imagine myself with anyone else. This is the longest I've ever been in a relationship with the exception of James back in the 90s but I lived here and he lived in Chicago, so it isn't like we spent a lot of time together. I'm currently at a loss as to how to meet someone new. There really isn't anyone in my group of friends that I could date (they are either friends of his, or ex's of my friends, etc.), I'm never going to meet anyone at the office, and I am really not strong enough to go back to the world of on-line dating.

UGH, okay back to work, I need to figure out ANOTHER way to tell this person there is NO DATA...geez...it isn't there?

Okay, I promise I will be in a better mood next time.