Finally catching my breath

Last weekend was quite a weekend. I was going non-stop from Friday afternoon to Monday night. I was so happy to come home on Tuesday, knowing I had nowhere to be and nothing to do besides reclaim my backyard from the hordes that invaded on Sunday.

All and all the weekend was a success. Everyone seemed please with the parties, pub crawls, cook-outs and hashes.

The best thing about a crazy weekend was it gives me little time to dwell on my current set of issues. Mainly being super stressed out (work, vacation, love life) and very, very angry with a certain someone.

On more positive notes, I got a letter from the IRS yesterday...I overpaid my taxes this year! I should be expecting a check for $162 in the next 6 weeks. That is great news because lately I've been spending money like a sailor on shore leave.

A busy weekend is planned. Tonight I will attempt my first Darkside Hash, for those not in the know, that means running 10 miles, in the woods, in dark. I'm only doing this because I have been assured there are at least two point where I can drop out and head to the end. I would love to say I did it but I'm also trying to be realistic.

I'll try (if I live) to go for my Oakhurst run Saturday morning and run some errands. I need a hair cut and a trip to Target is past due. I'm going to skip the hash tomorrow and head to my first baseball game in over a year at 3. The bad news is that I will be heading out with my enabler BWANA (I still cringe when I think of that last hockey game) and I am to meet Chris later that evening. It might be a nice change if I actually show up for a date sober...but then again I think I find him more interesting that way. I shouldn't be so hard on him...he was really nice to me on Sunday, took care of me as I was about to collapse from exhaustion (and beer). I just keep thinking 'I can do better' but the facts seem to show that isn't true.

Sunday is up in the air. I was sort of planning on doing a short bike ride with some folks from the neighborhood, there is also an Urban Wheelhopper and a Black Sheep. Apparently, Darren is out of town so I shouldn't run into him regardless of where I go on Sunday. I guess the option of staying around the house and relaxing is always out there also.

******Warning ********
news of actual importance

I have never understood the stance our government has taken on NOT providing contraceptive aid to overseas groups that offer abortion.

It doesn't matter if you support a women's right to choose or not, isn't this policy just cutting off the nose to spite the face? More access to contraception = less abortions...it isn't difficult for most to understand.

The House recently voted to reverse this ban (good news), now it is up to the Senate. However, I hate to say even if it passes there...Mr. Logic himself, GW, will most likely veto it. Only 19 more months....

Second chances?

Well I would say I'm one for two on this topic for the weekend.

First Second Chance

I stopped by D's house on Saturday to drop of, what I hope, is the last of his stuff. We talked but nothing came of it. Honestly, I don't know if I want him back or I'm just scared of being 'old and alone'.

Second Second Chance

I've been seeing C for a couple of weeks now. I've been pretty hard on him...really not nice at all. I don't feel he is 'good enough' for me. No real job, no car, no money, no drive to do better...what does he have to offer me?

Well we were to go out Saturday night, he did get his car fixed and we were going for a drive. I was in a pretty foul mood after spending 3 hours on trail and another hour stuck in traffic driving home from the hash. I was tired, my buzz was fading and I was hungry. After a shower and another beer I was slightly better. Chris show up, late the car wouldn't start, I was okay with it since I was running late myself. We grabbed a beer and headed to the back yard. I kind of just let it all out at that point, how stressed out I am, the need for a vacation, how I'm generally an uptight person that doesn't know how to relax. He told me he was an expert at relaxing and he would help me. Honestly, I couldn't think of a sweeter thing he could have said to me.

So we just hung out in the yard, drinking some beers and chatting. We slept in the next day (I NEVER do that), we got up for a bit, ate some breakfast, we sat on the couch and he rubbed my legs for an hour. I started to fall back asleep I was so relaxed. Then the fab idea of bloody mary's struck me, even C was impressed by my brilliance, and we had a couple while watching some car race (he's a fan of formula one).

So maybe he does have something to offer, at least for the time being.

Free stuff but was it worth it??

In an effort to clear my head and take my mind off my current obsession I headed out to Cabbagetown for the weekly run held in the neighborhood. I've only been one time before, it was a small crowd and I really didn't have anyone to run with (being I'm pretty slow). Last nights crowd was about 3 times larger than the last time. Plus, Nike was there doing a little promotion. They were loaning out shoes and Ipod Nanos to try. I've never been a big fan of Nike shoes but I was curious about this new technology. There is a hole in the shoes that you can place a transmitter into and it will sync up with the Nano. This allows you to track your progress, it will update you on your time, distance and current pace. You can also download the information to the computer to log/track your workouts.

Well I had a very bad run because of some very bad shoes. I didn't care for them at all. I don't feel that I have narrow feet (they are small but not narrow) but I was swimming in these shoes last night. YUCK. I also don't generally run with music, I either run with someone for conversation or I run alone for some personal reflection. I don't think they have a new customer yet. I did get a really nice, free t-shirt for my troubles (aka sore feet).

There was an added surprise to the evening, Debbie and Cathy showed up for the run also. We had dinner together after the run at Milltown Arms Tavern. I enjoyed some FireCracker Shrimp and tavern fries, it was pretty good but I ate too many fries.

Boys

C called last night, I guess the hash didn't scare him away. Good news he has a car now (his Alfa had been in storage for 4 years and in the shop for the last week or so), I guess the next step will be getting a job. Wooh hoo :( I'm such a loser.

I've been back on Match.com for about 2 months now and it has been a complete failure. I've tried reaching out, numerous times only to meet rejection at every turn. I'm thinking about trying eHarmony again...it was pretty much a failure last time also. I did fill out my profile and I've received several matches...until I pay I can't contact them back. I have noticed 2 things about many of my matches 1) they are OLD (over 45) and 2) they seem to have kids. I've fixed the age issue but it doesn't seem to be anyway to select out those with children.

Don't get me wrong I don't mind kids that much but I've never had good luck dating a man that has them. Maybe I'm too selfish but I've found that I will never, ever be as important as the kids (not that its a bad thing) I'm just tired of being in second place all the time.

I'll worry about it next week.

Change is suppose to be good, Right?

Lots going on this week.

On the Job Front

I just got word that the Division Director is stepping down. This is the same Division Director that told me my contract was extended until August and was going to offer me a full-time position this summer. I'm nervous again...

On the Dating Front

Slow...very slow. I took Chris to the hash prom on Saturday. I don't think he cared for it or my friends. That's okay, I don't really think there is anything between us, I'm just too scared to walk away myself and I just keep hoping he does.

Otherwise, pretty much a waste land. On top of that I've been slowly losing my mind concerning D and our 'relationship'. I've just become obsessive the last few days, I want to know why did did all the things he did to me. I want to know to know WHY. It isn't healthy, I see that but I just can't seem to stop.



On the Fitness/Lifestyle Front

I was sloppy with my diet in May. There were too many cook-outs and drinks with the girls. I kept running. I logged over a 100 miles for the month. So I could be in worse shape but now it is time to get back to eating right. So this weekend I will be heading to the store and stocking up on all sorts of 'good for me' yummies.

Tennis has started up again and I played my first match in 6 months on Tuesday. I say played but I'm not really sure what I was doing out there. I lost 2-6, 2-6. I'm pretty sore 1) my right arm from swinging the racket 2) the rest of my body from tripping over my own feet and running into the fence. I got up giggling much to the surprise of my opponent. I never claimed to be graceful.

I'm also going to give rock wall climbing a try. More about this decision later in the blog.

On the Mental Health Front

As I said earlier I'm having some issues dealing with a compulsion to know why. Well I have somewhat of an idea...I have abandonment issues and a paralyzing fear of being alone. Not alone as in siting around the house watching TV alone...the dying alone and the dogs eating my corpse.

Anyway, I'm going to try to do something alone...I'm starting to hyperventilate just typing the words. I'm not sure what that will be yet (maybe the rock climbing). I don't even know where to start but I need to make a change.

I'm going to try to RELAX on Sunday. Currently I have nothing to do and I'm fighting the urge to make plans with anyone. My plan is to stay at home, work in the garden/yard, getting it ready for next week and clean the house. K gave me a ton of terra cotta pots so I might try to be creative.

Late Breaking News...

and by late, it happened last week and I forgot to tell you about it.

Job Search Postponed

When I last left you folks, I had just been laid off and had one more day of work to get through.

I headed to George's right after my meeting for a run, a drink and a little support from my friends. They were all surprised how well I was taking it...I can't really explain how I felt. Confused, relieved, anxious, angry...pretty much how I felt when D and I broke up but I'm Martha and I have to keep up appearance so I took it all in stride.

I knew Thursday was going to be ugly. I knew my CDC boss had no idea this was coming. She had been telling me for weeks that things would be changing but my position would be secure.

I arrived at the office around 7, I couldn't sleep and I just wanted to get out of here ASAP. It was after 9am when Roseanne arrived and she went ballistic...everyone was running around, closed door meeting, raised voices in the halls...I kept my head down, packed my stuff and tried to wrap up a few projects. Around 11:30 the division director came to my desk, told me to stop packing, my contract had been extended until August and she was hoping to offer me a full-time gov job by July. Honestly, I was looking forward to a couple of weeks off...not that I had a thing to do but I'm pretty burnt out with everything.